Thursday, May 25, 2006
13 Reasons to Smile
funnies from my Yankee Aunt.....

Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.

Marriage changes passion. Suddenly you're in bed with a relative.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it. So I said "Implants?" She hit me.

How come we choose from just two people to run forpresident and over fifty for Miss America?

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Wow..that was fun!"

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."

Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able to tell the difference.

Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!

Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?

Wouldn't you know it...Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.

Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed outside?

Bumper sticker of the year: "If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier"

And remember: life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.
Written at 6:04 PM by Denise McDonald.
11 comments
11 Comments:
Blogger Bonnie S. Calhoun said...
Those are absolutely fabulous...I'm going to borrow them for a post on my blog!
May 25, 2006 10:21 PM  
Blogger Bernita said...
Oh beautiful!
Thank you, Dennie.
And Bonnie, if I had met you years ago , one of us would be saying "wasn't that fun!"
May 26, 2006 6:33 AM  
Blogger Sandy J said...
These are the best yet!
May 26, 2006 7:31 AM  
Blogger Bailey Stewart said...
Chunky dunk - LMAO
May 26, 2006 7:43 AM  
Blogger Denise McDonald said...
be my guest Bonnie....

these are funny!
May 26, 2006 8:24 AM  
Blogger Toni Anderson said...
LOL--They are good!!!
May 26, 2006 5:34 PM  
Blogger Daisy Dexter Dobbs said...
Oh, Dennie, these are simply fabulous--definite smile inducers! What a wonderful way to end my week. Thanks for posting these. :-D
May 26, 2006 7:36 PM  
Blogger Bonnie S. Calhoun said...
Have a safe and happy holiday!
May 27, 2006 12:06 AM  
Blogger M. C. Pearson said...
I just saw this on Bonnie's blog. Too funny! Love them all.
May 27, 2006 1:06 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over?...

You mean we CAN'T??!! :-O
May 27, 2006 11:10 PM  
Blogger Laurie Wood said...
My particular favourite, seeing as my dh is a pilot, was your bumper sticker joke. :)

If you ever find one somewhere, plse let me know!
May 27, 2006 11:25 PM  
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