~ A six-year-old WILL puke after eating 3 1/2 hot dogs (and ice cream, and
drinking two water bottles) at a b-ball game regardless of how much better he
“feels” when the older brothers and cousins get 2nd ice creams

~ dogs
DON’T like a six-year-olds fingers up their noses

~ a pet fish, next to
the dinner table WILL ruin appitites when he goes belly-up during the main
course

~ speaking of pet fish, be CAREFUL which seat you pick at a
wedding reception or might “WIN” the centerpiece (a bowl of goldfish)

~
don’t wait to plan talks, pitch info or emcee speeches five minutes before hand
or you may blather on and see many a blank or bewildered stare in your direction

~ a potential editor WILL remember your work if you bring it up when
you’re NOT supposed to

~ when sitting at a table full of authors, don’t
ask how many books they have sold and hold up fingers indicating how many YOU
THINK it might be. 28 is WAY more that ONE ~ GAW!

~ a nine passenger van
(total, INCLUDING the driver) cannot hold 10 conference attendees, no matter how
much we like each other and REALLY want to get to the hotel

~ always
KNOW how you’re getting back to the hotel (for sure) before you leave or the guy
kicking the rubber ducky down the street my be your traveling companion for many
blocks

~ DON’T make eye contact with the big ass dudes, in the black
town car sitting in the alley next to the hotel–safety first, y’know

~
if you do a face-plant on a train at a conference, people WILL remember and talk
about it two years later, even if they don’t remember it was YOU ~ Wheshew

~ on the flight back home after a conference, DON’T let the man next to
your read the back-cover blurb of the book in your hand if his questions begin
with, “have you ever met Fabio?”

~ no matter how much sun-screen you
use, you WILL get burned after a day at a Six Flags water park, so suck it up
(and FORGET the pedicure)

~ when the gas reminder dings, the auto WILL
only go SO long before it won’t go no more

~ when you honk at and flip
someone off, make sure there are places to turn away from them over, say, THREE
miles, or it can be an uncomfortable amount of, “Yeah, I’m still here.”

~ when you’re mom told you, “you’ll GET yours,” when you’re brought home
for the 3rd time after TPing someone’s house… you may end up having a bunch of
stinky, smelling, messy, sweet, funny, taller-than-you boys ~ life is NEVER
dull!

Labels: kids, life, writing